Looking out 4 u

Ever since I can remember my Grandmother has concluded us visiting her by way of a parting goodbye said to my Mother and now to me “Make sure you look after yourself” and I would nonchalantly conveyed that yes I would. But more of late have I found myself more seriously considering what she means by that. So I took it up with her and thought about it more and have come to really truely realize this…

I can go through each day as I normally do doing what needs to be done and look after myself as, I feel, we all do. However, I have realized that if I don’t take that extra moment to put in perspective what needs/expected to be done by myself and others. I will do, more than is good 4 me, for the sake of making others happy or okay.

What I’ve come to see through my Grandmother wisdom is that, if I keep doing and keep pleasing I leave myself open to a worse state (e.g. more: tired, emotional etc). So I have to say no to things, let others be okay without me trying to “help” and stop pleasing and trying to make sure others okay before myself. Now I don’t mean to say that it’s okay to be selfish or self-centred. Rather, for those of us prone to people pleasing or rescuing others to our own detriment that “If you don’t make sure you are okay before anyone else and look after yourself first than no-one is going to do that for you.”

Like in a dire situation you need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can have a hope of effectively helping others without putting yourself at unnecessary risk.

“Make sure u can see b4 ploughing recklessly in 2 save some1 so u don’t injure yourself in the process.”

Pet Peeves & Frustrations

So I’m pretty sure that we all have those Maggy things that make us a little 2 crazy. Like my husband leaving the toilet seat up or putting the washing so close to the laundry basket it could be giving it a french kiss but not lifting it 1 metre vertically to place it in the basket. Now I’m a pretty tolerant person, impatient, but tolerant. I can burry month old 3 inch growing rank food scraps, clean the loo & wipe up sick no problem. But, dirt-laiden soaking wet, cold, musty, 2 day off foot smelling socks sitting, almost lovingly, RIGHT BESIDE the laundry basket is a guaranteed growl of frustration.

Some more fussy, trivial things that grind on the nerves is the incessent sniffing or clicking pen of an individual in the nearby vicinity. That drives me spare, but unlike the above I have no rational to my aggravation.

Some of the time I get over myself and tidy and clean and am pretty content doing it, other times I have to walk away take a deep breath, remind myself why I love my husband and do for him and put him first. But that is not always easy to do as I have my frustrations at him and others, but I do wonder. Is that their fault or am I allowing myself to let my feelings get the better of me. After all that person, most of the time, is not intentionally trying to make me feel that way so it may be my choice and yes they could definitely be more pro-active and thoughtful. But we all all as fault ridden as each other, just in different ways. So I here’s what I think…

There is a line between learning to pick up after oneself and loving a serving one another. Just as there is a line between being righteously selfish and being a doormat of servitude. I can give a more of myself and my time and effort for someone cause I love them and know they are busy working hard. But I also know that I can help others to grow in character and learning skills more by being loving than by being frustrated and bossy.

Strangely, those moments of of doing for someone are special and rewarding in their own stead. But more than that they are empowering that I’m not a slave to my feelings of frustration and annoyance allowing myself to be carried wherever I deem myself to feel or be more vindicated. Rather, those small things don’t go unnoticed and are cherished by me as acts of love and kindness and I know God is smiling down on my in my moments of a beautiful heart for serving others in a healthy way.

Covid-19: Answer 3 questions

So level 4 lockdown has come to an end. Why no comment one thing you learnt due this time, one the that was a challenge and one thing you would do differently if you could tell your past self.

For me, I learnt how to cook better especially improved my baking 😁 Mi hubby has definitely enjoyed the improvement 🤣

I found it challenging to not get pulled into the panicky mindset especially when I had to go food shopping and all the monitoring that was going on was unnerving for me. But I breathed deeply and told myself not to be irrational and panic😅

One thing I would do differently, I would tell my past self to invest more in reading and learning and not watch quite so much Netflix.

Now it’s your turn 😉 comment below and share your experiences 😁

Sleeplessness & exhaustion

I lay awake last night wondering what to do. I was tired so I wanted to sleep & yet so awake that I couldn’t sleep. Feeling restless enough to pace around, but my legs were 2 tired to get me there. So I just continued to lay in bed, in the dark, looking up at the darkness above be bed that seemed to stretch between me & the ceiling. I shifted from side to side in a desperate quest to be somewhat comfortable, to slowly start to drift off & then bring myself hurtling back to reality with a bump that set me to being upset. So I lay there spread out like a starfish, grumpy at the world for my not being able to sleep & finally resigned to not getting any sleep that night ……then I fell asleep. Restless, but asleep. Oh sigh 🤣.

Day off

So what to do on my day off? I could read a book, enjoy a sunny summer day, bake a sweet treat, any of those seem enjoyable but then again I have to go to the bank and alter my details issue a new drivers license with my new last name and who wants to spend their day off in a line at the bank and then another line at the AA. I don’t and yet they have to be done at some point but does it really have to be today, when I would just rather do something a bit more…. worthwhile?! Sigh. I think I’ll just go back to bed….with a bar of chocolate and decide in the weekend 💕

Choices & Struggles – Small & Large?

I think there are many moments in life that offer us the opportunity to make choices that can start with being trivial only to grow in importance to life-altering. Like where to eat and what colour shirt to wear is pretty trivial. Whether to hang out with a certain person or what to do with your spare time can affect how you feel and think that’s quite important. What to do careerwise, who to marry, where to place your faith, these are big life choices. These things you come to decide at different points in life or others will only be just day-to-day and won’t

woman playing chess
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

matter so much. But, what about the ones that do matter, the ones that’ll affect your economic livelihood? What about relations with other people? The ones that take a toll on your health be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual? Why are they so hard to navigate?

Firstly, cause we care about them, we care about the outcome, fearful of what it could be or what could happen. We don’t want to hurt someone or offend them and so we stay silent, in turn, hurting and shutting ourselves off.

I saw on Facebook the other day a young woman talking about how a relationship had gotten unhealthy, but she felt, still, the pull to go back to her partner and was struggling with why that would be and why she felt so torn up about it. The comment section was full advice, opinions and much dirt on the philanderer in question.

The more I am on social media the more I see stories of people struggling and hurting so many people searching for resolution and peace within some situation or themselves, trying to weed out their loneliness with anything to fill the void and often that something is someone else. Like the young woman who wanted to go back to the unhealthy relationship. we are drawn to what we know, what is our normal, what we know comfort and safety to be and that’s because its what we know. We don’t find comfort and safety in what is strange and unfamiliar to us cause that is out of the comfort zone. We go back to the place where we find that solace, in a relationship, someone else so we don’t feel lonely.

I, personally, don’t think that relying on someone as torn apart, flailing and sinful as us full for out safety, comfort and peace is really going to work long term or can truely and fulfillingly setting ourselves up for the rest of our lives at learning to be content in a world oozing with so much that is undesriable for a “happy” life.

My learnings have been to try and take it to the Lord, even and especially when I really don’t feel like doing it. It may sound strange to some, but if you struggle to find any sort of peace or contentment or joy in life why not keep an open mind and try your nearest church or Christian friend. It’s scary to let someone, especially a stranger in, but if they are wanting to help you trust them it may be worn that step into the unknown.

Philippians 4:11-13 English Standard Version (ESV)

11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Breaking Chains

chain-breaking

Little kids are cute! No matter who you are, where you come from or weather you hate kids or love them. They are (or can be at times) very cute.

Children thrive on love, care, affirmation and, most importantly, attention. Having been a kid yourself you are likely to have a time or memory where the mini-you were praised, spent time with or bought something special and you just felt so…well…special!

Kids thrive on the attention received by those around them and while this may be very amusing to you, it is likely SUPER embarrassing for the parent or siblings!

For me, nothing makes my day any better than to witness a kid say something out loud that everyone is thinking and yet all the adults are too shy to say it. And there is nothing funnier than seeing a kid do something like introduce themselves to strangers like so: “Hello mister! I’m Batman!” The adult smiles and plays along for the earnest seriousness in the child eyes in too precious to shatter into a million pieces. Which is what would happen if the adult had said: “No you’re not!” instead of “Hello Batman!”

Those shattering eyes and heart make you feel soo super evil! Trust me! This is coming from the person who told a little kid that Santa wasn’t real…it was awful!!! Well I’m glad I’m glad I’m not that child’s parents!

Anyway…

I have been thinking recently: What shapes a child’s character? How about their personality? Is it to do with how they were treated or brought up as a child? I think it is! Parenting and discipline is very important! However, my point is this: If a child is deeply hurt, repeatedly rejected or beaten by their parents or guardians. All they have learnt is what they have been shown and thus that is how they treat others. Does that child then become a bully? Perhaps. Will that child carry those scars into later life? Most definitely! If you are shown hate, all you have learnt is how to hate. If you have been shown anger that is what you will show other.

Is there a trait that your parent, guardian or sibling has that is unhealthy?

Have you learnt from them?

And will the chain of hate, anger or rejection carry on?

Or will you fight to break it???

Long Lost Ones

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Long Lost Ones.

Have you ever had a long lost someone?

A person, family or friend, who you haven’t seen in ages?

And you offer to take them into your home for the entirety of their stay.

For the first day or two there is non-stop chatter, gossip of the past years is exchanged and the years seem to melt away. You remember all the fun you had together, mischief executed and pranks played.

However, after the third day you start to be reminded, all too vividly, all the things you didn’t like about them, why you haven’t talked in years and perhaps wishing that time would go at double speed!

This may be a little extreme compared to your personal experience. However, I am sure you can relate, even somewhat, to what I am saying.

The stress remains no matter how relaxed you might feel and all you really need is 2 hours to yourself, uninterrupted, thank you very much! Alas, they are staying in YOUR home, eating YOUR food, sitting on YOUR couch and looking to YOU for conversation. Like one of Alexander Dumas’s characters says, “Here I am! I am hungry, feed me. I am thirsty, give me a drink. I am bored, entertain me!”

I am going to make the hasty assumption that your Long Lost One has never said this to you, but, I am guessing that it may have felt close at times.

Whether you learn from the experience or not is up to you!

I feel just a little overwhelmed at how much maintenance a person can be and if you love and respect them anyway, it can make it better. Remember to take some time for yourself to unplug, unwind and un-grump.

Random thing:

Today I played a game with a friend, we wrote a person, place or object on a small scrap of paper and stuck to the other persons head.

I must say that it was interesting to see the questions asked and thought patterns walked, as they tried to deduct and guess what was written on their forehead.

Thx for reading!!!

Z.B.

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